Names?

There was one more I forgot on our list...Luca.

So far I am leaning toward Raphael mostly because when I first heard it, it resonated with me. Also, because I do not like the nic-names for the other names we like. But I have heard several for Raphael and I don't mind any of them....Rafi, Rafa, Reaf, etc.

Gotta say, never ever thought I would even consider Raphael...EVER! but if we do name him that I already know what his first Halloween costume will be:)

Really?

So I just realized the other day that we only have 2 months left in this pregnancy. Something about both Michael and I having 30 credit hours between us and having three children pushed the thoughts to the back of my mind. It is crazy how fast this pregnancy has seemed to have gone. I just now am starting to get excited and anxious about the new addition to our family.

20 something weeks.

I have no idea how far along I am. People ask all the time and I can't tell them. This is baby #4 people. I don't keep track. I only know that we are due sometime in the end of February and that it's a boy.

Our little guy is getting big. I have been having some severe trouble breathing so the OB sent me to a cardiologist to check things out. After seeing him today and having him feel around my stomach he's pretty sure it's because our boy is trying to "shove his head through your lungs". Glad that's all it is but I still have around 2 1/2 or 3 months left so I'm guessing that's just going to get worse:(

Oops.

I completely forgot about this blog until just now. I haven't said hardly a thing about this baby boy. Well we are around 26 weeks pregnant now and things are going okay. I have managed to keep energy up enough to go to school and get some house work done while taking care of 3 children+1 husband+1 dog:) I have to go visit a cardiologist next week because an x-ray the dr. did came back with not so great results. Hopefully it will be no big deal and I won't have to hit bed rest but we'll see. This little man is starting to grow on me, and in more than the obvious way. For some reason it took me a long time to connect to this new addition to our family. I have a feeling something might go wrong and I need to be prepared for it so I think that played a roll in me not finding the attachment I did with my other babies. But I love feeling this little guy moving and kicking all day long. He is getting big and he is really high in my stomach so I already can hardly bend over to put my shoes on:( And frequently get kicked in the ribs.

All's well

Everything is going pretty well so far. I feel a little more morning sickness than I'd like but I also think that has some to do with my stomach problems. Other than that I have fealt pretty good. I even ran/walked a 5k on monday.

"Every little thing's gonna be okay"

So it took me 3 weeks but I'm okay with it now. If you've read my last post on this blog you would know that I have not been up to this point.

I know it's still really early in this pregnancy to really talk about it, especially for us, but most people already know. Mostly because "super sperm"...aka my husband, can't keep any secrets...EVER. Okay at least not when it comes to this particular subject.

I have really been struggling with this new little "gift" we are being given. And struggling to see it as such, which is something I have never had a problem with until now. But when I was lying in bed last night and laying with my stomach to Michael's back it all came rushing back to me. I loved being pregnant with buddha and I love feeling those crazy babies kick their dad in the back all night...as well they should.

I've had my sister's kids here a few days a weeks while she's working and it has reminded me how much I like the Chaos of so many kids so close together. So it took me a while but I am finally okay with this and if I dare say somewhat excited:)

Is this some kind of cruel joke...

So 2 forms of Birth Control and God said...

"I don't think so Griffee's you need 3 babies under 3!!!"

It's official...AGAIN...we are having another one. I went to the doctor this morning half expecting him to say, "oh no you're not pregnant. It's just a misunderstanding."

Well that didn't happen.

I am still a basket case on this subject. It took us years to have a second child and we have had 4 miscarraiges, one of which was believed to be twins. Even when I got pregnant right away with Gabe I was okay with it because I was just happy we were blessed to be able to have kids. But, I am having a really hard time with this one. We had just decided to wait 3-4 years and have me get through school...well those plans are obviously going to have to change.

This camel only needs one more straw to break it's back!

As if this wasn't bad enough.

I found out I was having a miscarriage nearly 3 weeks ago. It was normal as far as I know for a miscarriage and then 2 weeks into that it got bad again. Heavy bleeding started again. So last Saturday we went and saw the Dr. and did an ultra sound to make sure there wasn't still a viable pregnancy and also to check and make sure there wasn't any tissue left. He let me know the only reason he can think to have bleeding in that pattern is if we may have been pregnant with twins and miscarried at different times. As if dealing with one miscarriage isn't bad enough...add another right on top 2 weeks later. Oh fun.

Michael and I weren't trying to get pregnant but we've only really ever tried to get pregnant 3 times out of 7 pregnancies. And only 1 of those ended with a baby in our arms.

I'm grateful to have a knowledge of a greater plan. In retrospect things always work out how they should:)

Curve Ball anyone?

Well I have now had more miscarriages than I have children.

I had an infection with my IUD and had to have it removed and with in 2 days I knew I was pregnant. a few weeks later that intuition was proven correct. Well it wasn't too long after that when I had a very large clot pass and then the cramping set in. I have been trying to keep a happy face but this is never a simple easy thing.

If I didn't know my body as well as I do I probably would not have even known and just thought I was pretty late. But with 6 pregnancies in the past 3 years I can tell usually by the first few days.

I didn't realize I wanted another baby already I thought I wanted to wait. Once I found out about the new one I was thinking time lines with school and Michael and how we would do this and now I'm just sad. Most of the time I am fine and really almost no one knows but then every once in a while it will blindside me. This is not my first rodeo with this mess. I have been through this 3 previous times, one of those times was horrific for me, but it still is not fun.

I'll be fine, we'll be fine.